I often find the most impacting lessons I teach (from the perspective of the teacher) are those in which my students actually do the teaching. Just a few short hours until my interview for the graduate program at UL and my students gave me the perfect lesson to help me through tonight's audition.
Both of my students attend the same school and their school orchestra was performing a concert this evening. Last week, their director asked them if they'd like to play something from their private lessons as a solo on the concert. Both students were very enthusiastic, but both were also a bit apprehensive to get up in front of an audience of that size on their own. As they shared their worries and concerns, I did my best to give them the support and advice to get through at their best.
Talking to them, I realized that those same words of support and advice were exactly what I needed to tell myself to get through tonight. I have been feel quite apprehensive, to the point of upsetting myself needlessly, and having to work my way through calming myself down. Tonight I shared with both of them at their lesson: technically, they were on par for their tune, but after the hours of practicing and playing, they had lost the spark that made the tune come alive. Relax and love the tune again, and suddenly the spark reappeared for them both.
It dawned on me that after my hours of practicing the same set of tunes for my audition I'd begun to lose some of the spark that made me love these tunes in the first place. Tonight when I came home, I picked up my fiddle to run through the tunes once before resting. Although I kept some of the technique in the back of my head (back beat, back beat, back beat), my main anchor lied in thinking of my students, and especially my own love of the music. And the spark reappeared.
12 February 2013
10 February 2013
Start Subtracting
This last week in particular I have found myself fighting some high stress levels. Yesterday felt particularly high. After the AOSA Share Session I came home in a stress ball about the weather, about the lesson I was supposed to teach, about my tunes for my UL audition, feeling upset with my body, angry with my mother about my life choices, feeling generally cluttered, and genuinely overwhelmed. I was in such a panic about destressing I was struggling letting things go, even those things that I knew weren't a big deal. My destress of late, playing tunes, only seemed to make things worse. Which only added to my stress.
What to do?
When things aren't adding up in your life, start subtracting.
Put on some orange-cinnamon-clove-peppercorn on the stovetop before my student came. Simple. And I know when the house smells good, I am more likely to take deep breaths. Nothing like toying with the ANS. Put on some chicken noodle soup for a quick lunch. And sat down to get the tune I was supposed to teach under my fingers enough to make my way through it, tho I knew it wouldn't be pretty.
After my student left, I still felt cluttered. Commence Disney movies and paper purge: I spent almost 5 hours going through papers from AOSA and recycled an entire file tote full, plus more I will scan then recycle (by permission of other board members and long time members). When I took over the presidency of the Chapter, the tote that came with the job was stuffed so full I could not get papers out without removing half the box. I bought another tote, and a small divider binder for my most important documents. I am now down to less than one tote full. I even had enough room to squeeze in the raffle ticket roll (still mostly full), the bag of name tags, a bag of 30 some pens, and the AOSA brochures. And now have an extra tote and divider binder to help me organize some other bits I've been meaning tackle. Soon my term as the president will be over, and I'll be able to hand over the tote (and the Easter basket) with a sense of relief and release.
Today when I woke I was still feeling a sense of distress. Took some time lounging in bed, a nice egg and toast breakfast, and then wrote a letter to one currently heightening my stress levels. I don't know if I'll send the letter, and there are some things I'd still like to add, but it is good to write these things down. Let's me release them from my head. If I know the paper will remember, I don't have to think about it so hard. Also helped me get some thoughts straight about who I am and what exactly I'm doing. Changes in my perception of my Self and my Future. Then I did some yoga. Oh, I forget how much I miss yoga, and how good it makes me feel.
I have been contemplating undertaking another detox week. I did one about a year and half ago. The first few days I felt awful, but in the long run, it really helped my body rebalance. Trouble is finding a time when I know I can let go of things. With the UL interview and audition this week, Valentine's Day candy coming from students, and a weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends over President's Day weekend, I have been putting it off. And rightly so. It does no good to start a detox and then stress the body by having a million offers (good or bad) you then have to refuse. As I consider the detox however, I do think I am over due for one. A good long one, perhaps. That will include adding in more yoga, meditating, setting a specific diet for a bit, and releasing. Subtracting. I have let my life run away a bit, and it's time to take some steps to bring it back into balance.
What does all of this have to do with fiddle and tunes? Well...when I'm stressed I have been turning to tunes for a down. A meditation and escape if you will. Unfortunately, I am so worried about my audition that I am finding it's not being that for me right now. As soon as I'm past the audition, I think I'll be back on my prior track. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to remembering that I do have ways to subtract, to mediate, to escape, that doesn't involve having my fiddle in my hands. I will need to remember this in the coming year with my Master's program. And I am learning to be gentle with my Self regarding my demands on my playing. I am progressing, and I am continuing my goal to play every day (at least 30 minutes now, which isn't hard even focusing on my audition tunes), but to allow for flexibility and patience as I work on the music. And it will be interesting to see how the tunes incorporate with the detox. Last time, I did not play during the detox. This time, I hope to interweave the tunes I play with the Self purging.
What to do?
When things aren't adding up in your life, start subtracting.
Put on some orange-cinnamon-clove-peppercorn on the stovetop before my student came. Simple. And I know when the house smells good, I am more likely to take deep breaths. Nothing like toying with the ANS. Put on some chicken noodle soup for a quick lunch. And sat down to get the tune I was supposed to teach under my fingers enough to make my way through it, tho I knew it wouldn't be pretty.
After my student left, I still felt cluttered. Commence Disney movies and paper purge: I spent almost 5 hours going through papers from AOSA and recycled an entire file tote full, plus more I will scan then recycle (by permission of other board members and long time members). When I took over the presidency of the Chapter, the tote that came with the job was stuffed so full I could not get papers out without removing half the box. I bought another tote, and a small divider binder for my most important documents. I am now down to less than one tote full. I even had enough room to squeeze in the raffle ticket roll (still mostly full), the bag of name tags, a bag of 30 some pens, and the AOSA brochures. And now have an extra tote and divider binder to help me organize some other bits I've been meaning tackle. Soon my term as the president will be over, and I'll be able to hand over the tote (and the Easter basket) with a sense of relief and release.
Today when I woke I was still feeling a sense of distress. Took some time lounging in bed, a nice egg and toast breakfast, and then wrote a letter to one currently heightening my stress levels. I don't know if I'll send the letter, and there are some things I'd still like to add, but it is good to write these things down. Let's me release them from my head. If I know the paper will remember, I don't have to think about it so hard. Also helped me get some thoughts straight about who I am and what exactly I'm doing. Changes in my perception of my Self and my Future. Then I did some yoga. Oh, I forget how much I miss yoga, and how good it makes me feel.
I have been contemplating undertaking another detox week. I did one about a year and half ago. The first few days I felt awful, but in the long run, it really helped my body rebalance. Trouble is finding a time when I know I can let go of things. With the UL interview and audition this week, Valentine's Day candy coming from students, and a weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends over President's Day weekend, I have been putting it off. And rightly so. It does no good to start a detox and then stress the body by having a million offers (good or bad) you then have to refuse. As I consider the detox however, I do think I am over due for one. A good long one, perhaps. That will include adding in more yoga, meditating, setting a specific diet for a bit, and releasing. Subtracting. I have let my life run away a bit, and it's time to take some steps to bring it back into balance.
What does all of this have to do with fiddle and tunes? Well...when I'm stressed I have been turning to tunes for a down. A meditation and escape if you will. Unfortunately, I am so worried about my audition that I am finding it's not being that for me right now. As soon as I'm past the audition, I think I'll be back on my prior track. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to remembering that I do have ways to subtract, to mediate, to escape, that doesn't involve having my fiddle in my hands. I will need to remember this in the coming year with my Master's program. And I am learning to be gentle with my Self regarding my demands on my playing. I am progressing, and I am continuing my goal to play every day (at least 30 minutes now, which isn't hard even focusing on my audition tunes), but to allow for flexibility and patience as I work on the music. And it will be interesting to see how the tunes incorporate with the detox. Last time, I did not play during the detox. This time, I hope to interweave the tunes I play with the Self purging.
29 January 2013
Creative Process Countdown
Day 282
This morning (last night, really) I had a chat with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the UL Trad Performance Masters. It was lovely hearing the true Irish lilt again, and of course, to get the full run down on the Programme. A recent addition to the Course is an assessment of your own creative process. This includes a peer review as well as a journal to be kept for a minimum of two to three weeks. I don't know of a better motivation to become more active writing here. Between l'autre's encouragement and knowing I will need to keep a journal of these trials and tribulations in the future, I plan to add 5-10 minutes of writing per day of playing. Not sure if I'm ready to make myself wait to black out days of playing until I've done my writing reflection, but perhaps that is what will bring motivation to completion. Wish me luck.
Majella was kind enough to listen to my playing a bit and give a small bit of feedback, mainly, to work the focus to the backbeat, versus the downbeat. Playing tunes over the phone is not an easy listening task, however, so she asked me to make a recording and email it to her so she could give it a more proper listen. After a tasty breakfast of eggs and toast, I did a trial recording. Specifically did not try and change anything about how I've been playing the tunes. What an eye opener! I cannot believe how much listening to myself play without being in the act of playing allowed me to surrender to the sounds. And yes, I am quite heavy on the downbeats. Something I will dive into adjusting. Today.
Foreseeing high intake of tea levels in 3...2...1....
This morning (last night, really) I had a chat with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the UL Trad Performance Masters. It was lovely hearing the true Irish lilt again, and of course, to get the full run down on the Programme. A recent addition to the Course is an assessment of your own creative process. This includes a peer review as well as a journal to be kept for a minimum of two to three weeks. I don't know of a better motivation to become more active writing here. Between l'autre's encouragement and knowing I will need to keep a journal of these trials and tribulations in the future, I plan to add 5-10 minutes of writing per day of playing. Not sure if I'm ready to make myself wait to black out days of playing until I've done my writing reflection, but perhaps that is what will bring motivation to completion. Wish me luck.
Majella was kind enough to listen to my playing a bit and give a small bit of feedback, mainly, to work the focus to the backbeat, versus the downbeat. Playing tunes over the phone is not an easy listening task, however, so she asked me to make a recording and email it to her so she could give it a more proper listen. After a tasty breakfast of eggs and toast, I did a trial recording. Specifically did not try and change anything about how I've been playing the tunes. What an eye opener! I cannot believe how much listening to myself play without being in the act of playing allowed me to surrender to the sounds. And yes, I am quite heavy on the downbeats. Something I will dive into adjusting. Today.
Foreseeing high intake of tea levels in 3...2...1....
28 January 2013
Catalysts
Driving home from sessions gives me wonderful opportunity to listen to some new and old tunes. It also gives me way too much time to sit and Think. Tonight's Thoughts were about how I ended up where I am today. A year ago, I was a completely different player. I refused to play even in front of those who wouldn't know the difference between a jig and a reel. Sure, I played with people, but starting tunes even with those musicians I trusted was a nerve wracking task, and one I usually avoided until prodding from another musician.
When did I begin to see the change? Along the last six to eight months, there've been several experiences that changed the course of my playing. One frustrating weekend in Minnesota and a much needed heart to heart with l'autre. A couple of passing comments from musicians I play with regularly. Conversations with new friends on the entity that is this music and lifestyle. I've tried to mark the changes if I catch them, but there are many that have been so minute as to be a part of the process, undefined from the rest of the minute moments.
Tonight was a small but memorable catalyst toward my own confidence in my playing. I have a recording of N playing two Paddy Fahy reels. Fiddle and guitar. The second reel has a rolling B section that at one point inspires a lengthy and enthusiastic hup from a listening musician. There is an energy and excitement in the playing that pulls out the excitement in another. Being off of one of my favourite session recordings, on more than one occasion I had hoped to bring that wee bit of excitement with my own tune. This evening found me playing through my audition sets, and during my final reel - Heights of Muingbhatha - during the B section I pulled a hup from two of my fellow musicians. Detail, but remembering that moment I hope it lends toward my confidence in my tunes and my fiddle. If nothing else, I hope the memory of the smile it brought will give some confidence in my pre-interview for UL tonight.
When did I begin to see the change? Along the last six to eight months, there've been several experiences that changed the course of my playing. One frustrating weekend in Minnesota and a much needed heart to heart with l'autre. A couple of passing comments from musicians I play with regularly. Conversations with new friends on the entity that is this music and lifestyle. I've tried to mark the changes if I catch them, but there are many that have been so minute as to be a part of the process, undefined from the rest of the minute moments.
Tonight was a small but memorable catalyst toward my own confidence in my playing. I have a recording of N playing two Paddy Fahy reels. Fiddle and guitar. The second reel has a rolling B section that at one point inspires a lengthy and enthusiastic hup from a listening musician. There is an energy and excitement in the playing that pulls out the excitement in another. Being off of one of my favourite session recordings, on more than one occasion I had hoped to bring that wee bit of excitement with my own tune. This evening found me playing through my audition sets, and during my final reel - Heights of Muingbhatha - during the B section I pulled a hup from two of my fellow musicians. Detail, but remembering that moment I hope it lends toward my confidence in my tunes and my fiddle. If nothing else, I hope the memory of the smile it brought will give some confidence in my pre-interview for UL tonight.
27 January 2013
I've Become a Book Whore
Spent Friday night with one of my long-time friends. She and I are both pretty big bookies, and had a conversation about how sometimes we go through these phases of starting book after book and never finishing them (at least, not in a normal time frame). Between us, we listed some dozen books we'd started within the last year and not yet finished. My list includes:
Don't Shoot the Dog
Be Different
A Year in the World
The Eyre Affair
Tales for an Unknown City
Ireland
The Hobbit
Free Play
Her list was similar in length and variety. Now, I've always been one to have several books in the works at once. After all, I can never be sure what I'll be in the mood for reading - history, fantasy, biographical-esque, non fiction, travel...the list could go on a while. But it is unusual for me to start books and not get back to them after a few chapters.
Enter Saturday. A different friend called at the last minute and asked if we might get together. Also an avid reader, we found ourselves talking books. I shared with her this discontenting realization that I am currently a book whore - - reading a lot, but not committing even to old favorites. She asked how long this had been happening. A month? No, longer. Since school started? No, longer. Since your summer? No, longer. Since last summer? Hum, closer it feels, but longer yet. Finally came down to being a book whore since spring of 2011. Daunting.
Why? Some self reflection brought to my attention that it coincides with my attempt to fit into society's mold of the twenty-something. Find a good job. Check. Get engaged. Check. Get married and settle down forever and have a family and commit to all those who are not one with you. Ummm...wait, what?
No longer engaged, still in good job, but something still hasn't quite clicked back in. However, having found a place for my next two years that I can truly feel excited about, I find I am being drawn back into my books. Though like any junkie recovering it will probably take time to find my focus and my commitment, and I'm sure of various setbacks, I am healing and growing stronger, more joyous about what the future holds for me, and excited to continue down the unexpected path.
In the meantime, did I mention I am on day 281 of playing my fiddle? Last night I hit my third goal of 280 days. New goal of 379 days. Just a year didn't seem adequate.
Don't Shoot the Dog
Be Different
A Year in the World
The Eyre Affair
Tales for an Unknown City
Ireland
The Hobbit
Free Play
Her list was similar in length and variety. Now, I've always been one to have several books in the works at once. After all, I can never be sure what I'll be in the mood for reading - history, fantasy, biographical-esque, non fiction, travel...the list could go on a while. But it is unusual for me to start books and not get back to them after a few chapters.
Enter Saturday. A different friend called at the last minute and asked if we might get together. Also an avid reader, we found ourselves talking books. I shared with her this discontenting realization that I am currently a book whore - - reading a lot, but not committing even to old favorites. She asked how long this had been happening. A month? No, longer. Since school started? No, longer. Since your summer? No, longer. Since last summer? Hum, closer it feels, but longer yet. Finally came down to being a book whore since spring of 2011. Daunting.
Why? Some self reflection brought to my attention that it coincides with my attempt to fit into society's mold of the twenty-something. Find a good job. Check. Get engaged. Check. Get married and settle down forever and have a family and commit to all those who are not one with you. Ummm...wait, what?
No longer engaged, still in good job, but something still hasn't quite clicked back in. However, having found a place for my next two years that I can truly feel excited about, I find I am being drawn back into my books. Though like any junkie recovering it will probably take time to find my focus and my commitment, and I'm sure of various setbacks, I am healing and growing stronger, more joyous about what the future holds for me, and excited to continue down the unexpected path.
In the meantime, did I mention I am on day 281 of playing my fiddle? Last night I hit my third goal of 280 days. New goal of 379 days. Just a year didn't seem adequate.
A Cuppa and Contemplations
There is something gratifying and grounding in sitting down with a cuppa Barry's tea, a playlist of fantastic new tunes, and the gumption to write a bit.
I have been so lucky as to spend time with some lovely and supportive friends these last couple of days. And lucky to be at a time when I needed reassurance on my decision to take a leave of absence from my current job to study traditional Irish music again at the source: this time the University of Limerick. A decision that has been long forthcoming. After my first year back "home" I realized how much I missed the Irish life and how much I wished to return for more than a visit or extended stay.
They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and that's exactly what had happened. Plans to apply for UL four years ago were detoured quickly by a job, a boyfriend, and an appointed leadership in the state AOSA Chapter. Now, after four more years of saving, four more years of playing, four more years of sessioning, four more years of teaching experience, it's time. I'm done making plans; I'm ready to start living them.
Tomorrow night (which I can't believe has come so quickly!) I have a conversation set up with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the Masters of Traditional Music Performance degree. She will be calling about 8 am Irish time Tuesday morning. Although not an official interview, it is a get-to-know-you for us both. I have questions about the programme, I'm sure she will have a few questions for me, and I will play a bit for her in hopes for some feedback on if I'm ready for the level of the degree. Having talked to and played with a good number of players who experienced the programme, I feel I'm pretty on par. It will be good to have some critical evaluations of my playing from someone actually in charge of the programme. Wish me skill!
I have been so lucky as to spend time with some lovely and supportive friends these last couple of days. And lucky to be at a time when I needed reassurance on my decision to take a leave of absence from my current job to study traditional Irish music again at the source: this time the University of Limerick. A decision that has been long forthcoming. After my first year back "home" I realized how much I missed the Irish life and how much I wished to return for more than a visit or extended stay.
They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and that's exactly what had happened. Plans to apply for UL four years ago were detoured quickly by a job, a boyfriend, and an appointed leadership in the state AOSA Chapter. Now, after four more years of saving, four more years of playing, four more years of sessioning, four more years of teaching experience, it's time. I'm done making plans; I'm ready to start living them.
Tomorrow night (which I can't believe has come so quickly!) I have a conversation set up with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the Masters of Traditional Music Performance degree. She will be calling about 8 am Irish time Tuesday morning. Although not an official interview, it is a get-to-know-you for us both. I have questions about the programme, I'm sure she will have a few questions for me, and I will play a bit for her in hopes for some feedback on if I'm ready for the level of the degree. Having talked to and played with a good number of players who experienced the programme, I feel I'm pretty on par. It will be good to have some critical evaluations of my playing from someone actually in charge of the programme. Wish me skill!
08 August 2012
Priorities
The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
'Tis time enough indeed to talk of many things. And think. Been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going, what I'm doing, and what my priorities are. A month on the road - California, New York Catskills, Boxwood - coming home seems less and less like coming home. Looking over my life (with particular note to my finances) I realized I need to set some serious priorities; life is too short to faff around with things I don't particularly enjoy or want to do.
So I sat down and wrote out a budget. Looked over where my money was going, and then moved some things around to see where it could potentially go. And my! do I have a lot of silly places I was sending my money! Reevaluating what I spend on, and what I would prefer to spend on, I realized I have a lot of flexibility to go where I want to go. And not have to worry too much as long as I stop spending without thinking first.
That said, my priorities right now are music and travel. Often in one. So any time I can put money to one of those two things, that's where it will go. I broke 100 days of tunes nearly two weeks ago, and I am happier and happier when I give myself the time to simply sit and play. After travels this summer (and not quite as many fantastic sessions as I would have liked), I decided I needed one more hurrah of tunes before diving into the school year, so I'm heading to the Milwaukee Irish Fest Aug 16-19. Paul and I went the summer he came to visit and had a fantastic time at that festival - - the tunes at the Wyndham were top quality. I'm a little nervous to go "alone;" I know I'll meet people, but there's something powerful in traveling to festivals like that with a friend or partner. And really, people are so open to helping out those of us on our own.
Deep breath, and dive in. It's a priority, and a great way to meet new people and collect new tunes. Will be worth every bit (and every penny!).
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