It is always an enlightening process to make advances in an area of practice. I've been playing long enough to know that set backs are a part of the game, and not to take them too close to heart, but it is still a difficult and often frustrating process to work through. Recently I've found I'd made great strides in relaxing and releasing into the music. It had, in a wonderful way, become a meditative experience; no thoughts, pure moment. A beautiful way to spend an afternoon or evening.
Two lessons in, focusing on refining some bits of my playing, and I feel as if I've taken an enormous leap backwards. As I play now, I find myself in a constant state of thought, working on bowing, ornaments, emphasis. The concentration is constant. And the concentration is definitely being a set back in the meditative and releasing feeling. It takes great effort to move forward in the details I'm working on while releasing into the music concurrently. As of yet, this is a rare, rare occurrence. I know it will come back, given time and practice, but it is difficult to balance the need for growth with the desire for letting go. Had a glimpse Monday night as I looped the sections of Roscommon Reel played by Randal...over time I found myself sinking into the comfort of the sound, releasing the expectations and enjoying the music, the feel of the vibrations, the meditative quality of the sounds. It has been a leap back, but I believe several steps forward are on the near horizon.
27 February 2013
18 February 2013
Guru Peoples
They say one of the biggest advantages a musician has is to set one's heart on a role, a chair, a program, and face the terrible disappointment when it doesn't come to light. But then a musician is given the opportunity to bounce back, work harder, buckle down in those places most needed, and grow in spite (or because) of the set back.
"Not yet" she said. She didn't say no. She didn't say never. She even said that I have potential. I just need to buckle down. And buckle down I will.
Conversations with l'autre this evening helped me over facing the disappointment of "not yet." Able to share similar feelings of frustration and difficulties at this stage of learning. Trying to find the joys in the small progress. Finding the small progress. Becoming our own best teacher. It is a daunting task.
But even the best teachers often have a guru. A guide. A master or sage. Perhaps this person is someone they know, perhaps it is a distant entity they look to for inspiration. Goal: make "not yet" become "yes, we want you for our program!" Path: Sound more authentically Irish. Plan: Study THE Irish fiddle player. He will probably never know, but I'm taking the next bit of time and making Tommy Peoples my fiddle guru.
Playlist: check
Videos: check
Lesson time: check
Ok, so the lesson isn't with Tommy, but with another great fiddle player, Randal Bays. So I will be studying fiddle on a few different levels. Tunes with Randal, tunes from Tommy, and intensive practicing and (hopefully!) self discovery.
"Not yet" she said. She didn't say no. She didn't say never. She even said that I have potential. I just need to buckle down. And buckle down I will.
Conversations with l'autre this evening helped me over facing the disappointment of "not yet." Able to share similar feelings of frustration and difficulties at this stage of learning. Trying to find the joys in the small progress. Finding the small progress. Becoming our own best teacher. It is a daunting task.
But even the best teachers often have a guru. A guide. A master or sage. Perhaps this person is someone they know, perhaps it is a distant entity they look to for inspiration. Goal: make "not yet" become "yes, we want you for our program!" Path: Sound more authentically Irish. Plan: Study THE Irish fiddle player. He will probably never know, but I'm taking the next bit of time and making Tommy Peoples my fiddle guru.
Playlist: check
Videos: check
Lesson time: check
Ok, so the lesson isn't with Tommy, but with another great fiddle player, Randal Bays. So I will be studying fiddle on a few different levels. Tunes with Randal, tunes from Tommy, and intensive practicing and (hopefully!) self discovery.
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
12 February 2013
When Students Do the Teaching
I often find the most impacting lessons I teach (from the perspective of the teacher) are those in which my students actually do the teaching. Just a few short hours until my interview for the graduate program at UL and my students gave me the perfect lesson to help me through tonight's audition.
Both of my students attend the same school and their school orchestra was performing a concert this evening. Last week, their director asked them if they'd like to play something from their private lessons as a solo on the concert. Both students were very enthusiastic, but both were also a bit apprehensive to get up in front of an audience of that size on their own. As they shared their worries and concerns, I did my best to give them the support and advice to get through at their best.
Talking to them, I realized that those same words of support and advice were exactly what I needed to tell myself to get through tonight. I have been feel quite apprehensive, to the point of upsetting myself needlessly, and having to work my way through calming myself down. Tonight I shared with both of them at their lesson: technically, they were on par for their tune, but after the hours of practicing and playing, they had lost the spark that made the tune come alive. Relax and love the tune again, and suddenly the spark reappeared for them both.
It dawned on me that after my hours of practicing the same set of tunes for my audition I'd begun to lose some of the spark that made me love these tunes in the first place. Tonight when I came home, I picked up my fiddle to run through the tunes once before resting. Although I kept some of the technique in the back of my head (back beat, back beat, back beat), my main anchor lied in thinking of my students, and especially my own love of the music. And the spark reappeared.
Both of my students attend the same school and their school orchestra was performing a concert this evening. Last week, their director asked them if they'd like to play something from their private lessons as a solo on the concert. Both students were very enthusiastic, but both were also a bit apprehensive to get up in front of an audience of that size on their own. As they shared their worries and concerns, I did my best to give them the support and advice to get through at their best.
Talking to them, I realized that those same words of support and advice were exactly what I needed to tell myself to get through tonight. I have been feel quite apprehensive, to the point of upsetting myself needlessly, and having to work my way through calming myself down. Tonight I shared with both of them at their lesson: technically, they were on par for their tune, but after the hours of practicing and playing, they had lost the spark that made the tune come alive. Relax and love the tune again, and suddenly the spark reappeared for them both.
It dawned on me that after my hours of practicing the same set of tunes for my audition I'd begun to lose some of the spark that made me love these tunes in the first place. Tonight when I came home, I picked up my fiddle to run through the tunes once before resting. Although I kept some of the technique in the back of my head (back beat, back beat, back beat), my main anchor lied in thinking of my students, and especially my own love of the music. And the spark reappeared.
10 February 2013
Start Subtracting
This last week in particular I have found myself fighting some high stress levels. Yesterday felt particularly high. After the AOSA Share Session I came home in a stress ball about the weather, about the lesson I was supposed to teach, about my tunes for my UL audition, feeling upset with my body, angry with my mother about my life choices, feeling generally cluttered, and genuinely overwhelmed. I was in such a panic about destressing I was struggling letting things go, even those things that I knew weren't a big deal. My destress of late, playing tunes, only seemed to make things worse. Which only added to my stress.
What to do?
When things aren't adding up in your life, start subtracting.
Put on some orange-cinnamon-clove-peppercorn on the stovetop before my student came. Simple. And I know when the house smells good, I am more likely to take deep breaths. Nothing like toying with the ANS. Put on some chicken noodle soup for a quick lunch. And sat down to get the tune I was supposed to teach under my fingers enough to make my way through it, tho I knew it wouldn't be pretty.
After my student left, I still felt cluttered. Commence Disney movies and paper purge: I spent almost 5 hours going through papers from AOSA and recycled an entire file tote full, plus more I will scan then recycle (by permission of other board members and long time members). When I took over the presidency of the Chapter, the tote that came with the job was stuffed so full I could not get papers out without removing half the box. I bought another tote, and a small divider binder for my most important documents. I am now down to less than one tote full. I even had enough room to squeeze in the raffle ticket roll (still mostly full), the bag of name tags, a bag of 30 some pens, and the AOSA brochures. And now have an extra tote and divider binder to help me organize some other bits I've been meaning tackle. Soon my term as the president will be over, and I'll be able to hand over the tote (and the Easter basket) with a sense of relief and release.
Today when I woke I was still feeling a sense of distress. Took some time lounging in bed, a nice egg and toast breakfast, and then wrote a letter to one currently heightening my stress levels. I don't know if I'll send the letter, and there are some things I'd still like to add, but it is good to write these things down. Let's me release them from my head. If I know the paper will remember, I don't have to think about it so hard. Also helped me get some thoughts straight about who I am and what exactly I'm doing. Changes in my perception of my Self and my Future. Then I did some yoga. Oh, I forget how much I miss yoga, and how good it makes me feel.
I have been contemplating undertaking another detox week. I did one about a year and half ago. The first few days I felt awful, but in the long run, it really helped my body rebalance. Trouble is finding a time when I know I can let go of things. With the UL interview and audition this week, Valentine's Day candy coming from students, and a weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends over President's Day weekend, I have been putting it off. And rightly so. It does no good to start a detox and then stress the body by having a million offers (good or bad) you then have to refuse. As I consider the detox however, I do think I am over due for one. A good long one, perhaps. That will include adding in more yoga, meditating, setting a specific diet for a bit, and releasing. Subtracting. I have let my life run away a bit, and it's time to take some steps to bring it back into balance.
What does all of this have to do with fiddle and tunes? Well...when I'm stressed I have been turning to tunes for a down. A meditation and escape if you will. Unfortunately, I am so worried about my audition that I am finding it's not being that for me right now. As soon as I'm past the audition, I think I'll be back on my prior track. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to remembering that I do have ways to subtract, to mediate, to escape, that doesn't involve having my fiddle in my hands. I will need to remember this in the coming year with my Master's program. And I am learning to be gentle with my Self regarding my demands on my playing. I am progressing, and I am continuing my goal to play every day (at least 30 minutes now, which isn't hard even focusing on my audition tunes), but to allow for flexibility and patience as I work on the music. And it will be interesting to see how the tunes incorporate with the detox. Last time, I did not play during the detox. This time, I hope to interweave the tunes I play with the Self purging.
What to do?
When things aren't adding up in your life, start subtracting.
Put on some orange-cinnamon-clove-peppercorn on the stovetop before my student came. Simple. And I know when the house smells good, I am more likely to take deep breaths. Nothing like toying with the ANS. Put on some chicken noodle soup for a quick lunch. And sat down to get the tune I was supposed to teach under my fingers enough to make my way through it, tho I knew it wouldn't be pretty.
After my student left, I still felt cluttered. Commence Disney movies and paper purge: I spent almost 5 hours going through papers from AOSA and recycled an entire file tote full, plus more I will scan then recycle (by permission of other board members and long time members). When I took over the presidency of the Chapter, the tote that came with the job was stuffed so full I could not get papers out without removing half the box. I bought another tote, and a small divider binder for my most important documents. I am now down to less than one tote full. I even had enough room to squeeze in the raffle ticket roll (still mostly full), the bag of name tags, a bag of 30 some pens, and the AOSA brochures. And now have an extra tote and divider binder to help me organize some other bits I've been meaning tackle. Soon my term as the president will be over, and I'll be able to hand over the tote (and the Easter basket) with a sense of relief and release.
Today when I woke I was still feeling a sense of distress. Took some time lounging in bed, a nice egg and toast breakfast, and then wrote a letter to one currently heightening my stress levels. I don't know if I'll send the letter, and there are some things I'd still like to add, but it is good to write these things down. Let's me release them from my head. If I know the paper will remember, I don't have to think about it so hard. Also helped me get some thoughts straight about who I am and what exactly I'm doing. Changes in my perception of my Self and my Future. Then I did some yoga. Oh, I forget how much I miss yoga, and how good it makes me feel.
I have been contemplating undertaking another detox week. I did one about a year and half ago. The first few days I felt awful, but in the long run, it really helped my body rebalance. Trouble is finding a time when I know I can let go of things. With the UL interview and audition this week, Valentine's Day candy coming from students, and a weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends over President's Day weekend, I have been putting it off. And rightly so. It does no good to start a detox and then stress the body by having a million offers (good or bad) you then have to refuse. As I consider the detox however, I do think I am over due for one. A good long one, perhaps. That will include adding in more yoga, meditating, setting a specific diet for a bit, and releasing. Subtracting. I have let my life run away a bit, and it's time to take some steps to bring it back into balance.
What does all of this have to do with fiddle and tunes? Well...when I'm stressed I have been turning to tunes for a down. A meditation and escape if you will. Unfortunately, I am so worried about my audition that I am finding it's not being that for me right now. As soon as I'm past the audition, I think I'll be back on my prior track. I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to remembering that I do have ways to subtract, to mediate, to escape, that doesn't involve having my fiddle in my hands. I will need to remember this in the coming year with my Master's program. And I am learning to be gentle with my Self regarding my demands on my playing. I am progressing, and I am continuing my goal to play every day (at least 30 minutes now, which isn't hard even focusing on my audition tunes), but to allow for flexibility and patience as I work on the music. And it will be interesting to see how the tunes incorporate with the detox. Last time, I did not play during the detox. This time, I hope to interweave the tunes I play with the Self purging.
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