Priorities

The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

'Tis time enough indeed to talk of many things.  And think.  Been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going, what I'm doing, and what my priorities are.  A month on the road - California, New York Catskills, Boxwood - coming home seems less and less like coming home.  Looking over my life (with particular note to my finances) I realized I need to set some serious priorities; life is too short to faff around with things I don't particularly enjoy or want to do.

So I sat down and wrote out a budget.  Looked over where my money was going, and then moved some things around to see where it could potentially go.  And my! do I have a lot of silly places I was sending my money!  Reevaluating what I spend on, and what I would prefer to spend on, I realized I have a lot of flexibility to go where I want to go.  And not have to worry too much as long as I stop spending without thinking first.

That said, my priorities right now are music and travel.  Often in one.  So any time I can put money to one of those two things, that's where it will go.  I broke 100 days of tunes nearly two weeks ago, and I am happier and happier when I give myself the time to simply sit and play.  After travels this summer (and not quite as many fantastic sessions as I would have liked), I decided I needed one more hurrah of tunes before diving into the school year, so I'm heading to the Milwaukee Irish Fest Aug 16-19.  Paul and I went the summer he came to visit and had a fantastic time at that festival - - the tunes at the Wyndham were top quality.  I'm a little nervous to go "alone;" I know I'll meet people, but there's something powerful in traveling to festivals like that with a friend or partner.  And really, people are so open to helping out those of us on our own.

Deep breath, and dive in.  It's a priority, and a great way to meet new people and collect new tunes.  Will be worth every bit (and every penny!).

99% practice, 1% theory

I have only one day left of my initial 63 days of tunes. This has been truly an altering experience. When I drew those first boxes, I wasn't sure how things would work - if I would get burnt out, if there would be days I'd be too tired or too busy - but it gave me a starting place, and what a run it's turned into! There's an underlying drive to play now. I suppose one might call it a habit, but I like to think of it more along the words of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. 99% Practice, 1% Theory.

Today I spent a vast majority playing. I woke up about 10, showered, then got down to business! Tunes until I made myself eat lunch, more tunes until I forced myself to stop to get the paperwork done for the AOSA workshop in August, then more tunes until I had to run a couple errands, then tunes in the park for an hour and a half. These days feel like I'm home. Like I'm where I'm supposed to be, playing. And when I'm not playing, tunes have been going constantly, on my computer, in my car. I'm looking forward to the day I can say I've actually listened to all of the Irish stuff on my computer (with varying degrees of interest and intensity). This is the calling of the True Believer.  I've gone through mini-phases like this, of playing and listening, but never so long and never so intense.  It's transforming.

So now I'm at a place I need to keep going.  Despite mom's disapproving look, my fiddle will go with me EVERYWHERE this summer, and will be played EVERYDAY without fail.  If it means I have to get up 20 minutes earlier than I might have otherwise (and that's a big thing!), I'll be getting up to play while others are showering in the hotel room.  I have this most fantastic momentum going, and I'm not going to quit for something as arbitrary as family travels.  Next question is: How many more days to add?  Off to draw another calendar to extend my current one!

Nerves

This last weekend saw my first attendance of the Minnesota Irish Music Weekend, hosted by the folks at the Center for Irish Music in St. Paul.  It's always a humbling experience to go out and play with new (and fantastic!) players.  It makes me remember what a beginner I still am.  One thing that quickly became apparent is how nervous I get playing in front of other people, particularly if I'm by myself, and particularly if they are strangers.

*Quick side note: I'm listening to the Irish playlist I made on randomize....a fiddle tune came on and I thought, this is nice, I should listen to this person more.  So I went to mark it; it's Jesse Smith, who was one of the fiddle teachers at MIM*

I have thought multiple times in the past about going out the park to play on occasion - I think this is something I ought to try to see if it will help me get over some of the nerves I face playing in front of others.  When I'm playing alone at home where no one is really listening, I feel like I'm solid on the tunes and sets I've been working on.  The instance I tried some of those sets, either down at CCC with Pete and everyone, or out in Minnesota, I get caught in the notes and flustered.  And since Cheyenne isn't exactly brimming with gig opportunities, it's something simple I will try, and see how it helps.

Happy

Typically I find this time of year quite stressful.  The change in season, the change in schedule, the change in daylight...all these changes often hit me hard.  Although this particular spring-into-summertime has had its share of stressful events (both created and imposed), I find I am happier than I've been a while.  A long while.  And significantly happier.  Like since living-breathing-eating-sleeping Ireland happy.  There are many plausible explanations to my new found happiness: successful completion of my yoga teacher training, looking forward to new summer travels, finding myself in the single life (and loving it!), just generally having more life experience under my belt, completion of my fourth year teaching. But I feel that the one aspect that has made the most significant change: embarking on 63 days of tunes.

As I've mentioned, 63 days was an arbitrary number I came up with by simply drawing a calendar that looked like "enough" then counting how many days I drew.  As I come to complete week 5 I am more and more convinced that playing everyday has set my heart free again.  What could have been a task is instead a part of my day I look forward to with eager anticipation ("when will I get to pick up my fiddle!?").  Occasionally I must set a timer to make sure I reach my minimum of 20 minutes - usually when I'm tired and haven't had a moment to myself all day - but it is more often a timer so that I force myself to stop to do something I need to.  Like sleep.  Or buy groceries.  I've put off buying food because I sat down to play instead at least three times since this started.  I used tunes as a motivation to get my grades on: finish one class, take a 5 minute tune break.  If I get upset about something at work, I try to take a moment and grab my fiddle for a few tunes.  Daily tunes has become a sanctuary of escape for me to absorb the happiness.  I would recommend looking for happiness as a True Believer to anyone.

Time Will Tell - - Halfway

Although I'm not real sure what to write tonight, I felt I ought to mark the occasion with a short post before bed.  I have completed the halfway point to my 63 days.  My fingers have a solid callus - one as such I haven't had since I was living in Ireland and playing every day there - and my fiddle has (relatively) new strings.  These week has been a lot of playing with session recordings.  I have loved when I have been able to identify a tune name in a set (one set I even had ALL the names, some from recently acquiring, some from past memory).  More and more tunes are tending to pop out without names.

This week also saw an official "deactivation" of my facebook account.  Seemingly a small thing, cutting cold turkey is a little strange.  Some of my usual patterns have been thrown out of whack, such as coming home and checking the "news" via the recent update feed.  The decision has been floating in my head a while now, but it finally clicked as the right thing to do when some recent message drama went down.  I don't need that stress in my life at this point (or...at any point?) and so I left.  It is weird now, but I have a feeling a part of me will come to like it.  I'm also getting the sense that if/when I do reactivate the account, I will be on it much less frequently. Time will tell.

Time will also tell how long I'll keep my continuous fiddling up.  Halfway point.  Doesn't really feel like it's been that many consecutive days, which I'm taking as a good sign.  It hardly ever feels like work, and when it does, it's that enjoyable work that brings a high level of satisfaction and accomplishment at the end.

I did have an unusual experience playing last night.  I was feeling frustrated (FB messages) and was playing my heart out, windows wide open to let the 75* breeze waft through.  Working through a set of reels, I got to Humours of Bolton Street (end of the set with Wish I Never Saw You and Piper on Horseback), someone outside the window gave a hand.  I think it was my neighbour who goes out and smokes (that I've slammed my window shut on more than once), as he was the only being that I could see, but can't be sure.  Not sure what my neighbours think; not sure how often they do hear.  I'm not worried about disturbing them, but it's just interesting pondering.

And to all my avid readers (lol)....signing off!  Have a fantastic Memorial Day weekend if you're Stateside!

Rolling in the Ryegrass

So completes day 29 of 63 days of tunes.  Four solid weeks down, five solid weeks to go.  Some days have been just barely enough for me to consider blacking out my calendar, others have been hours at a time (I figure these make up for the days I squeak out just barely 20 minutes).  I feel like I might be hitting a wall sometimes, but usually once I start listening and playing, I realize "nope, no wall, this is fantastic."

This week I let many tunes that I'd sorted out the last three weeks marinade.  Some of them have stuck better than others.  Some have morphed into tunes I was not expecting (these are the "tunes that popped out" for this week's list).  Some I can start at the beginning, some I have to start at a key area of the melody before I can find the beginning.  Some I honestly do have the name attached!  Some I have a name attached but I have to play "The One Before" before I can play "The One After."  The ones that really puzzle me are the ones I have recorded after that I play to get to the one before.  But it works out.

I also started going through age old recordings from January of my time in Ireland....working slowly through 1621 files (according to a quick iTunes highlight).  I was excited on one set when I could name all of the tunes Sean O'Driscoll played one afternoon at Charlie's.  I didn't have to put any into Tunepal to remember their names.

Ultimately, this endeavor is rolling, rolling, rolling along.  I have burned the CD of tunes for Boxwood we've all shared via email (Ingrid, l'autre Amy, Florence, and Rebecca).  Some of the tunes are beautiful, some I may not make a huge effort to learn, but they might pop out after a month of listening to them in my car.

I've also started a playlist of the "top 75 recorded tunes" that Dave sent me.  I figure if they're in the top recorded, they're probably well known by players somewhere.  The list is too long for one CD, but something else to work at these next 34 days.  Which really doesn't seem that long at all to continue rolling.

Ishvara Pranidhara:Surrender

Remember those times you got so caught up in what you were doing that an entire afternoon whizzed by without you even completely realizing it?  Being in the flow, disappearing into the moment, submersing yourself in the action you are taking - - allowing for total surrender into the Self - - it is a magical and spiritual place to be.  I have been blessed to have sunk into the peace of the Now with more and more regularity these last weeks.

This weekend we celebrated our final days as Yoga Teacher Trainers, to surrender one piece of our life in order to find our next Self To Come.  Our ceremony was simple, beautiful, and moving.  A short walk over rose petals, a bell to awaken, water to cleanse, rice for sustenance, flowers for perfume, light for our path, and a beautiful bindi we all wore with a sense of pride.  I felt enveloped in the purity of the moment we shared with each other, our teachers, our family, and our Selves.  I am utterly thankful for the time I was granted these last months to spend with this Yoga Family, through our joys and our struggles, to grow further into my own sense of Self.

This weekend also concluded my third week of playing and began week four.  Our Niyama for this month of yoga was Ishvara Pranidhara, or surrender.  This crossed so beautifully into my music - - I have promised myself twenty minutes (or more) to play each day, and as I find myself picking up my fiddle, I slip so easily into the notes.  As the tunes wash over my fingerboard, I loose myself in the instant, coming out only enough to find the next tune (which may or may not come out as expected).  Although sometimes it is difficult to tuck in a few minutes to play, as soon as I start, I can surrender my day to itself and find my heart, my love, in the music.  More than once I have found myself so entirely wrapped up in the moment that I have lost track of time and open my eyes to find an hour or more has passed, not the twenty minutes I planned on giving my Self.  In this realization, I smile and open my heart to the power of the music, the power of the surrender.

Other Worldly

Last night brought a fantastic evening: Solo and Ensemble Festival went smoothly throughout the day, then a decent drive to Greeley, Chinese with Jackie, and The Outside Track concert (see side link).  Phenomenal concert - - so much energy, great arrangements of songs and tunes, and a wonderful variety of fast and slow pieces.  A hello to Norah during the intermission and an invite for tunes at the firepit at Blayne's house afterwards.

Jackie seemed fascinated by the music.  I felt re-inspired (which was great timing, the end of my one week toward 63 days!).  During intermission and after the show, she and I were talking about the music and the sessions.  I described for her the Other Worldly Feeling that happens when you get into a really amazing session with people you really enjoy playing with, friends or strangers.  The meditative quality of the tunes, the almost spiritual journey (though I don't think I used those exact words).  As I was talking, and probably getting a dozy look on my face as I reminisced about the best sessions I can remember, Jackie was giving me this quizzical look.  I suppose it's not something one would probably understand unless they've encountered a similar experience.

When we all arrived at Blayne's and were waiting for the fire to burn down enough to be comfortably around it, Jackie, Blayne, and I were chatting on their deck.  Blayne and I were sharing "most amazing session experiences" and how difficult it is to come by them, especially in this area.  He was telling me of several sessions he recently went to back east, and described them as Other Worldly.  I looked at Jackie.  See, I'm not crazy.  Just obsessed.  It's a good place to be.

Rediscovering the True Belief

Day 6:  I have spent many hours now listening and playing with tunes I recorded about two years ago with friends in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area.  The tunes recorded from fiddle players (mainly Nathan if memory serves me correctly) are easier to pick up without having to actually have my fiddle there....the flute-only tunes will come, but I think because there's no tone change to tell me what string the notes are on, my head doesn't translate them quite as well yet.  Especially flute tunes that have a low B or C that I don't expect.  Wednesday night on the way back from the Erie session, I found I could finger nearly all the tunes on the Twin City Tunes CD I'd burned. When I tried them out today, sure enough, nearly all of them were under my fingers.  Several even came out on their own while I was playing tempo movement games with my students!

Speaking of Erie, there was one distinct set I started which turned into a total surprise.  Began with a reel (can't remember which one) and had all intentions of going into The Piper on Horseback (as learned after I Wish I Never Saw You).  Instead, Cliffs of Moher (as a reel, doh) came through.  Zina glared at Pete (WHY ME?? IT WASN'T ME!) and I laughed as it was a totally unexpected (but smooth!) transition.
I had all intents of ending with Tommy People's reel in bm....as I jumped into the third tune, something that started on a b came out, but it was totally different.  A tune I didn't even realize I could start at all, forget in the middle of a set.

Leading sets makes me nervous.  I have a hard time, unless practiced specifically, transitioning smoothly to the next tune.  Even when I can do them on my own, when I get in front of other players or other people, they tend to get really messy.  To smoothly do a complete set that I hadn't practiced, and hadn't even intended (even if I DID intend some tunes that didn't make it out), was a great eye opener that tunes are progressing.  And playing every day makes me feel so good.  Whole again.

63 Days

I have recently embarked on a new tune learning and playing endeavor.  In my yoga practice, I have this fantastic little application on my phone called the Mediation Helper (which I believe I've mentioned before).  A little widget on my homepage shows me how many minutes of my meditation/yoga goal I've met for the day, along with my current streak for meeting my daily minutes and my record streak.  It has been a fantastic device to help encourage me to do a little yoga or mediation each day.

Sunday I decided to take this application idea into my playing.  I grabbed some of my favorite paper (the only I have that isn't plain or lined right now) and drew a calendar with a spot at the end of each week for notes.  In big letters across the top I wrote Tunes with a goal of 20-30 minutes each day.  I counted up the number of days I'd drawn (fairly randomly) in my calendar.  Nine weeks.  63 Days.  I numbered each square starting that day.  And promptly colored in the first square.  Solid Black.  One day reaching my playing goal (by far)! I had worked on some old favorites that I'd never quite been able to dredge out at a session on my own: Maids of Mt Kisco (or Cisco), Over the Moore to Maggie, Dezi Donnelly's Gan Ainm track (found it's called Paddy Ryan's Nightmare and...... Gan Ainm. Doh.). Along with some others. Must've spent a good several hours playing tunes. Then I promptly texted Pete to check on the session on Wednesday. Yep! Was happening. Sweet!

So, I have just completed Day 5 of my Tune Day Succession. 58 more days to go. And although I made a goal of 20-30 minutes, I find I start playing and I cannot stop. There's one more tune and one more tune and one more tune I find I want to try out before I call it good. I feel so in-the-moment when I am playing. Time is lost, and I am happy there. I think I should count it toward my yoga practice some days as well :)