Start Subtracting

This last week in particular I have found myself fighting some high stress levels.  Yesterday felt particularly high.  After the AOSA Share Session I came home in a stress ball about the weather, about the lesson I was supposed to teach, about my tunes for my UL audition, feeling upset with my body, angry with my mother about my life choices, feeling generally cluttered, and genuinely overwhelmed. I was in such a panic about destressing I was struggling letting things go, even those things that I knew weren't a big deal.  My destress of late, playing tunes, only seemed to make things worse.  Which only added to my stress.

What to do?

When things aren't adding up in your life, start subtracting.

Put on some orange-cinnamon-clove-peppercorn on the stovetop before my student came.  Simple.  And I know when the house smells good, I am more likely to take deep breaths.  Nothing like toying with the ANS.  Put on some chicken noodle soup for a quick lunch.  And sat down to get the tune I was supposed to teach under my fingers enough to make my way through it, tho I knew it wouldn't be pretty.

After my student left, I still felt cluttered. Commence Disney movies and paper purge: I spent almost 5 hours going through papers from AOSA and recycled an entire file tote full, plus more I will scan then recycle (by permission of other board members and long time members).  When I took over the presidency of the Chapter, the tote that came with the job was stuffed so full I could not get papers out without removing half the box.  I bought another tote, and a small divider binder for my most important documents.  I am now down to less than one tote full.  I even had enough room to squeeze in the raffle ticket roll (still mostly full), the bag of name tags, a bag of 30 some pens, and the AOSA brochures.  And now have an extra tote and divider binder to help me organize some other bits I've been meaning tackle.  Soon my term as the president will be over, and I'll be able to hand over the tote (and the Easter basket) with a sense of relief and release.

Today when I woke I was still feeling a sense of distress.  Took some time lounging in bed, a nice egg and toast breakfast, and then wrote a letter to one currently heightening my stress levels.  I don't know if I'll send the letter, and there are some things I'd still like to add, but it is good to write these things down.  Let's me release them from my head.  If I know the paper will remember, I don't have to think about it so hard.  Also helped me get some thoughts straight about who I am and what exactly I'm doing.  Changes in my perception of my Self and my Future.  Then I did some yoga.  Oh, I forget how much I miss yoga, and how good it makes me feel.

I have been contemplating undertaking another detox week.  I did one about a year and half ago.  The first few days I felt awful, but in the long run, it really helped my body rebalance.  Trouble is finding a time when I know I can let go of things.  With the UL interview and audition this week, Valentine's Day candy coming from students, and a weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends over President's Day weekend, I have been putting it off.  And rightly so.  It does no good to start a detox and then stress the body by having a million offers (good or bad) you then have to refuse.  As I consider the detox however, I do think I am over due for one.  A good long one, perhaps.  That will include adding in more yoga, meditating, setting a specific diet for a bit, and releasing.  Subtracting.  I have let my life run away a bit, and it's time to take some steps to bring it back into balance.

What does all of this have to do with fiddle and tunes?  Well...when I'm stressed I have been turning to tunes for a down.  A meditation and escape if you will.  Unfortunately, I am so worried about my audition that I am finding it's not being that for me right now.  As soon as I'm past the audition, I think I'll be back on my prior track.  I'm looking forward to that.  I'm also looking forward to remembering that I do have ways to subtract, to mediate, to escape, that doesn't involve having my fiddle in my hands.  I will need to remember this in the coming year with my Master's program.  And I am learning to be gentle with my Self regarding my demands on my playing.  I am progressing, and I am continuing my goal to play every day (at least 30 minutes now, which isn't hard even focusing on my audition tunes), but to allow for flexibility and patience as I work on the music.  And it will be interesting to see how the tunes incorporate with the detox.  Last time, I did not play during the detox.  This time, I hope to interweave the tunes I play with the Self purging.