Creative Process Countdown

Day 282

This morning (last night, really) I had a chat with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the UL Trad Performance Masters. It was lovely hearing the true Irish lilt again, and of course, to get the full run down on the Programme. A recent addition to the Course is an assessment of your own creative process. This includes a peer review as well as a journal to be kept for a minimum of two to three weeks.  I don't know of a better motivation to become more active writing here. Between l'autre's encouragement and knowing I will need to keep a journal of these trials and tribulations in the future, I plan to add 5-10 minutes of writing per day of playing. Not sure if I'm ready to make myself wait to black out days of playing until I've done my writing reflection, but perhaps that is what will bring motivation to completion. Wish me luck.

Majella was kind enough to listen to my playing a bit and give a small bit of feedback, mainly, to work the focus to the backbeat, versus the downbeat. Playing tunes over the phone is not an easy listening task, however, so she asked me to make a recording and email it to her so she could give it a more proper listen. After a tasty breakfast of eggs and toast, I did a trial recording. Specifically did not try and change anything about how I've been playing the tunes. What an eye opener! I cannot believe how much listening to myself play without being in the act of playing allowed me to surrender to the sounds. And yes, I am quite heavy on the downbeats.  Something I will dive into adjusting. Today.

Foreseeing high intake of tea levels in 3...2...1....

Catalysts

Driving home from sessions gives me wonderful opportunity to listen to some new and old tunes.  It also gives me way too much time to sit and Think. Tonight's Thoughts were about how I ended up where I am today. A year ago, I was a completely different player.  I refused to play even in front of those who wouldn't know the difference between a jig and a reel.  Sure, I played with people, but starting tunes even with those musicians I trusted was a nerve wracking task, and one I usually avoided until prodding from another musician.

When did I begin to see the change? Along the last six to eight months, there've been several experiences that changed the course of my playing.  One frustrating weekend in Minnesota and a much needed heart to heart with l'autre. A couple of passing comments from musicians I play with regularly.  Conversations with new friends on the entity that is this music and lifestyle. I've tried to mark the changes if I catch them, but there are many that have been so minute as to be a part of the process, undefined from the rest of the minute moments.

Tonight was a small but memorable catalyst toward my own confidence in my playing.  I have a recording of N playing two Paddy Fahy reels.  Fiddle and guitar.  The second reel has a rolling B section that at one point inspires a lengthy and enthusiastic hup from a listening musician.  There is an energy and excitement in the playing that pulls out the excitement in another.  Being off of one of my favourite session recordings, on more than one occasion I had hoped to bring that wee bit of excitement with my own tune.  This evening found me playing through my audition sets, and during my final reel - Heights of Muingbhatha - during the B section I pulled a hup from two of my fellow musicians. Detail, but remembering that moment I hope it lends toward my confidence in my tunes and my fiddle.  If nothing else, I hope the memory of the smile it brought will give some confidence in my pre-interview for UL tonight.

I've Become a Book Whore

Spent Friday night with one of my long-time friends.  She and I are both pretty big bookies, and had a conversation about how sometimes we go through these phases of starting book after book and never finishing them (at least, not in a normal time frame).  Between us, we listed some dozen books we'd started within the last year and not yet finished.  My list includes:

Don't Shoot the Dog
Be Different
A Year in the World
The Eyre Affair
Tales for an Unknown City
Ireland
The Hobbit
Free Play

Her list was similar in length and variety.  Now, I've always been one to have several books in the works at once.  After all, I can never be sure what I'll be in the mood for reading - history, fantasy, biographical-esque, non fiction, travel...the list could go on a while.  But it is unusual for me to start books and not get back to them after a few chapters.

Enter Saturday.  A different friend called at the last minute and asked if we might get together.  Also an avid reader, we found ourselves talking books.  I shared with her this discontenting realization that I am currently a book whore - - reading a lot, but not committing even to old favorites.  She asked how long this had been happening.  A month? No, longer.  Since school started? No, longer.  Since your summer? No, longer. Since last summer? Hum, closer it feels, but longer yet.  Finally came down to being a book whore since spring of 2011.  Daunting.

Why?  Some self reflection brought to my attention that it coincides with my attempt to fit into society's mold of the twenty-something.  Find a good job. Check.  Get engaged. Check. Get married and settle down forever and have a family and commit to all those who are not one with you.  Ummm...wait, what?

No longer engaged, still in good job, but something still hasn't quite clicked back in.  However, having found a place for my next two years that I can truly feel excited about, I find I am being drawn back into my books.  Though like any junkie recovering it will probably take time to find my focus and my commitment, and I'm sure of various setbacks, I am healing and growing stronger, more joyous about what the future holds for me, and excited to continue down the unexpected path.

In the meantime, did I mention I am on day 281 of playing my fiddle?  Last night I hit my third goal of 280 days.  New goal of 379 days.  Just a year didn't seem adequate.

A Cuppa and Contemplations

There is something gratifying and grounding in sitting down with a cuppa Barry's tea, a playlist of fantastic new tunes, and the gumption to write a bit.

I have been so lucky as to spend time with some lovely and supportive friends these last couple of days.  And lucky to be at a time when I needed reassurance on my decision to take a leave of absence from my current job to study traditional Irish music again at the source: this time the University of Limerick.  A decision that has been long forthcoming.  After my first year back "home" I realized how much I missed the Irish life and how much I wished to return for more than a visit or extended stay.

They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and that's exactly what had happened.  Plans to apply for UL four years ago were detoured quickly by a job, a boyfriend, and an appointed leadership in the state AOSA Chapter.  Now, after four more years of saving, four more years of playing, four more years of sessioning, four more years of teaching experience, it's time.  I'm done making plans; I'm ready to start living them.

Tomorrow night (which I can't believe has come so quickly!) I have a conversation set up with Majella, one of the Course Directors for the Masters of Traditional Music Performance degree.  She will be calling about 8 am Irish time Tuesday morning.  Although not an official interview, it is a get-to-know-you for us both.  I have questions about the programme, I'm sure she will have a few questions for me, and I will play a bit for her in hopes for some feedback on if I'm ready for the level of the degree.  Having talked to and played with a good number of players who experienced the programme, I feel I'm pretty on par.  It will be good to have some critical evaluations of my playing from someone actually in charge of the programme.  Wish me skill!

Priorities

The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

'Tis time enough indeed to talk of many things.  And think.  Been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going, what I'm doing, and what my priorities are.  A month on the road - California, New York Catskills, Boxwood - coming home seems less and less like coming home.  Looking over my life (with particular note to my finances) I realized I need to set some serious priorities; life is too short to faff around with things I don't particularly enjoy or want to do.

So I sat down and wrote out a budget.  Looked over where my money was going, and then moved some things around to see where it could potentially go.  And my! do I have a lot of silly places I was sending my money!  Reevaluating what I spend on, and what I would prefer to spend on, I realized I have a lot of flexibility to go where I want to go.  And not have to worry too much as long as I stop spending without thinking first.

That said, my priorities right now are music and travel.  Often in one.  So any time I can put money to one of those two things, that's where it will go.  I broke 100 days of tunes nearly two weeks ago, and I am happier and happier when I give myself the time to simply sit and play.  After travels this summer (and not quite as many fantastic sessions as I would have liked), I decided I needed one more hurrah of tunes before diving into the school year, so I'm heading to the Milwaukee Irish Fest Aug 16-19.  Paul and I went the summer he came to visit and had a fantastic time at that festival - - the tunes at the Wyndham were top quality.  I'm a little nervous to go "alone;" I know I'll meet people, but there's something powerful in traveling to festivals like that with a friend or partner.  And really, people are so open to helping out those of us on our own.

Deep breath, and dive in.  It's a priority, and a great way to meet new people and collect new tunes.  Will be worth every bit (and every penny!).

99% practice, 1% theory

I have only one day left of my initial 63 days of tunes. This has been truly an altering experience. When I drew those first boxes, I wasn't sure how things would work - if I would get burnt out, if there would be days I'd be too tired or too busy - but it gave me a starting place, and what a run it's turned into! There's an underlying drive to play now. I suppose one might call it a habit, but I like to think of it more along the words of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. 99% Practice, 1% Theory.

Today I spent a vast majority playing. I woke up about 10, showered, then got down to business! Tunes until I made myself eat lunch, more tunes until I forced myself to stop to get the paperwork done for the AOSA workshop in August, then more tunes until I had to run a couple errands, then tunes in the park for an hour and a half. These days feel like I'm home. Like I'm where I'm supposed to be, playing. And when I'm not playing, tunes have been going constantly, on my computer, in my car. I'm looking forward to the day I can say I've actually listened to all of the Irish stuff on my computer (with varying degrees of interest and intensity). This is the calling of the True Believer.  I've gone through mini-phases like this, of playing and listening, but never so long and never so intense.  It's transforming.

So now I'm at a place I need to keep going.  Despite mom's disapproving look, my fiddle will go with me EVERYWHERE this summer, and will be played EVERYDAY without fail.  If it means I have to get up 20 minutes earlier than I might have otherwise (and that's a big thing!), I'll be getting up to play while others are showering in the hotel room.  I have this most fantastic momentum going, and I'm not going to quit for something as arbitrary as family travels.  Next question is: How many more days to add?  Off to draw another calendar to extend my current one!

Nerves

This last weekend saw my first attendance of the Minnesota Irish Music Weekend, hosted by the folks at the Center for Irish Music in St. Paul.  It's always a humbling experience to go out and play with new (and fantastic!) players.  It makes me remember what a beginner I still am.  One thing that quickly became apparent is how nervous I get playing in front of other people, particularly if I'm by myself, and particularly if they are strangers.

*Quick side note: I'm listening to the Irish playlist I made on randomize....a fiddle tune came on and I thought, this is nice, I should listen to this person more.  So I went to mark it; it's Jesse Smith, who was one of the fiddle teachers at MIM*

I have thought multiple times in the past about going out the park to play on occasion - I think this is something I ought to try to see if it will help me get over some of the nerves I face playing in front of others.  When I'm playing alone at home where no one is really listening, I feel like I'm solid on the tunes and sets I've been working on.  The instance I tried some of those sets, either down at CCC with Pete and everyone, or out in Minnesota, I get caught in the notes and flustered.  And since Cheyenne isn't exactly brimming with gig opportunities, it's something simple I will try, and see how it helps.